Letter
Dear Sir,
We read with great sympathy the letter from the sister of a schizophrenic. The stresses set up in a family by a mentally sick member should not be underestimated. My aunt has suffered for ten years from depression. She has been treated in a psychiatric hospital and takes anti-depressant drugs. Nevertheless, her depression and attitude to life are alienating her from her friends and family; her possessiveness and the demands she makes on her sister can only be described as destructive.
For two years I also have had a depressive illness which has already meant suffering for my husband and children. I have tried, not very successfully, to minimise this and dread that I too will become like my aunt. Depression insulates me from giving or receiving love yet does not blunt my awareness of the need for this exchange within my family. At times my 18year old daughter is very sad: is this because of me or is it just the sadness of late adolescence, with its attendant problems of A-levels, choosing a university, coping with friendships where one’s emotions are involved in a completely new way? My 14-year old is rebellious and has shown signs of disturbance by petty dishonesty and carelessness ; sometimes it seems as though she wants to punish me for making her unhappy. Because my objectivity is suspect I am never sure how real or serious their problems are. But I do know that I am very inadequate in giving them comfort, support and security.
What have I done about this? I have tried counting my blessings which are numerous (without the love and support of my husband I do not think I would have survived this period). But this only results in my feeling guilty as well as depressed. For eighteen months I saw a psychiatrist, and although therapy has apparently been ineffective, his support has been invaluable. My gratitude to phar. maceutical research is boundless: I have swallowed numerous tranquillisers and antidepressants which enable me to function well on a day-to-day basis but do not solve problems.
Just recently I have started a part-time job. I find this an ordeal and have to summon every scrap of willpower to get to work. My happiest time in the past two years has been when I lived a solitary life, seeing only family and very close friends. Is one justified in living selfishly like a parasite, contributing little to society and reducing drastically the social life of the family? But I feel I have nothing to offer, either to society or friends. And because I fear pity more than loneliness I try to avoid friendship and close relationships. My depression is thought to be due to an unsatisfactory childhood. Will my own problems be perpetuated in the lives- of my children? What can I do to prevent them in turn growing up depressed and inadequate?
(Name and address withheld on request). .
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