Incorrigibility due to Mismanagement and Misunderstanding
- Author:
Claiborne Catlin,
Baltimore, Md.
The little girl who is the subject of this study was born in February, 1901, her mother dying at the same time in childbirth. Her father was a somewhat erratic personality, rather a genius in his own profession. The child was left in care of nurses and women relatives who spoiled the naturally masterful, egotistical girl to such an extent that living with her was almost impossible.
The father remarried after a few years. His second wife was in ill health, and the little girl was again trusted to nurses. When six years old, she developed the habit of masturbation, which was not discovered for about a year and a half. Every device for breaking her of it was employed, electric treatment, whipping, shaming, and even a mechanical device especially contrived for the prevention of this trouble. Not one made any impression, as the habit had become too firmly rooted. Visitors at the house were struck by the wolfish expression habitually worn by the child. Her health was precarious, her temper frightful, her disposition so warped and soured by indulgence and her resentment at interference so fierce, that, in despair, the family sent her away when she was eight, to a trainer who had been quite successful in helping several children with this trouble.
Here for two years the little girl was watched incessantly by day, and at night slept with hands and feet tied. Her luxurious toys were taken from her, she was required to do everything for herself (from dressing herself to washing her own simple clothes), and to assist in the general work. She was not overburdened, but every moment was filled with healthful exercise. She hated and resented such treatment, naturally, and up to the time she came to me she had done nothing unless she knew she would be punished for refusing. Her aim seemed to be to get ahead of people, and hurt them before they thwarted her.
In determining for myself whether reclaiming the child were possible, one thing enabled me to throw hesitation to the winds. I was told that when the little girl’s father had whipped her severely, and had followed the chastisement with reproaches expressing his disgust that a child of his should be capable of such a loathsome thing as masturbation, the child had flashed back defiantly, “Father, I don’t see why I shouldn’t; I like it, and I’m going to do it!” When I heard that I said, although I had never seen the child, “I’ll take her, she is made of good material. I’m sure this is no case of degeneracy, but of misdirected energy.”
Just before we met the train by which the child was to arrive, the stepmother showed me a letter from the person who had had her in charge for the past two years, saying that the child had been prevented by force and incessant watching from indulging in her habit, and the writer could certify that only twice in the two years was there any reason to suspect a set-back. She stated that the child had improved physically in every way, but that her temper was still as ungovernable, her eccentricities nearly as pronounced; that she was absolutely wanting in decency, honesty, truth; was cruel, sneaky, filthy. The letter concluded by repeating the writer’s firm conviction of the child’s insanity, and advising for her sake an examination by an alienist. This was a new development, but I clung to my first reading of the case, though considerably shaken by the earnestness, breadth, and evidently wide experience of the writer.
When the train stopped, a little girl of ten with wonderful piercing black eyes came toward us. I stood well back, my heart beating a tattoo, and tried to get some points about her before she knew my identity. I saw the fox-look in her eyes, and sensed her fright and nervousness over what might be going to happen to her. I also saw that she was “game.”
I had accepted the fact that force had been necessary to restore her to health. Without it she would never have been able to respond to me. But the day of artificial means was over; she was physically and mentally able to help herself, and my plan was to call this ability forth. In other words, I believed in her power to help herself as her only real salvation. Furthermore, I knew that we are generally what those about us suggest that we are, so I deliberately assumed that she was what I would make her?decent, truthful, honest, etc., and I always spoke as if she were. I saw that such thoughts, once established, become habits, and when all is said, habit is the secret of our own principles. To accomplish my purpose, I had first to win her liking, confidence, respect; I had to show clearly that I was on her side?not in league with the grownups. She wore trousers and “middies,” so to make the disguise more perfect, I adopted bloomers and “middies” and tied my hair in a plait. Her suggestion that I dock it, so we would be just alike, shows the success of the metamorphosis. We went at once, for the first four months to a large isolated farm where my methods were more practicable than in town. After my change of garb, I became the acknowledged leader. It was I who discovered the bough that one could swing on or from, who made the most noise; in short, became the humorously aggressive one. This made a profound impression, and added not a little to my attraction for her. Of course, she started in right away to test my temper. Her ingenuity in this respect was marvelous. Seven or eight years’ practice had certainly brought forth results. But, in spite of lizards dropped unexpectedly down my back, snakes (of which I am ridiculously afraid) held wriggling within half an inch of my nose; bunches of caterpillars suddenly enmeshed in my tresses; mimicking and mocking for an hour at a time any word or act in which I was unfortunate enough to indulge; tickling me with an ingenuity that showed much knowledge on the subject (here my utmost endurance was required, for she was sure in her own mind that I was ticklish?I am abnormally so?and was determined to find the weak spot in my armor); in spite of these and many other tricks, such as jumping at me out of corners in the dark, dancing at other times in front of me so that no move was possible without colliding with her, I managed, to her amazement and rage, to remain fairly unruffled.
I was waiting for her spark of kindness, so faint that she scarcely realized its existence, to become visible. I knew she must voluntarily give up these torture-pleasures because she herself saw nothing in them and no longer desired them. Two weeks passed and still they continued with unabated zeal. I began to wonder if I had made a mistake. Just as I really began to despair, the miracle occurred.
One day, after she had been particularly unbearable, and had wound up, at tea, by mimicking every act of mine, I left the table so hurt and discouraged that all life seemed to offer spelled,?flight. She followed me and stood watching me in silence as I restlessly paced the porch. At length, she approached me timidly, and, taking my hand, said in a whisper, “Sister, do you feel like you look?”
“Worse!” I replied shakily. “Well, Sister,” she went on, “if you feel like that I’ll try never to make you look that way again. That will help, won’t it?” “Yes,” I said, hardly believing my ears.
“Only,” she went on, “you know I’m not used to you and your way?I’m used to being whipped?and I won’t be able to do it all at once. But I will try, if you only won’t look that way again!” Putting her hand in my arm, she walked back and forth with me, and we talked about friendship and what it could mean to her and me. “I want to be your friend, Sister,” she said finally. And she has certainly tried to be.
What this little incident meant to me no one will ever dream. I was on the right track, after all, and I knew we must win out. It took a long time for her to eliminate all these tricks which alone had meant “fun” to her for so long. In the meantime, she was learning some new kinds, which were proving much more fascinating. I had tired her out thoroughly, the first night before bed time, and though I lay awake watching her for several successive nights, I saw no sign of the habit. Of course, I did not tie her? she simply went to bed like any one else. In the day time I stayed with her when it could be managed, so she felt I was not trying to do so. At other times, I turned her loose and took chances, believing that at all costs she must never feel she was being watched. I made her sense my trust in every act, every word. I showed her that I respected her as my friend, and expected a like consideration from her, though I said very little about it, except when she sought a conversation on the subject.
It did not take me long to discover that her vulnerable points were her hatred of being ignored, her vanity, and her unusually sympathetic nature?once she discovered she had one. I gave her a month of running at large, during which time I asked her to do nothing which I did not do myself. Her sense of fairness would naturally concede a thing that I required also of myself. We were apparently two friends on a vacation, laughing, reading, working, arguing together as chums. Of course, this did not come all at once; it took many battles with herself, and much discouragement on my part before we reached even a semblance of the real thing. But we were working together after the first two weeks?and that made all the difference. Way down below her surface rebellion both she and I knew that she would “make good” in my eyes and her own. For we had talked over her past, and she herself had pronounced judgment on it as not worth while. But I am getting ahead of my story. One device we tried, which I think helped not a little in starting the day aright, was a five-minute relaxing period immediately after breakfast. We always took a thought which she herself suggested to occupy our minds during this time. Here are a few she mentioned: “We are kind to folks because they need it”; “There is a lot of good in every one”; “I want to be ‘pure in heart’ “; “I will keep my temper.” She may or may not have thought of these things during the silence period, but the nature of her suggestions showed she was trying.
After the month of freedom, I proposed to teach her for an hour a day, as a great favor. Naturally, the favor was turned down with scorn. Then I explained how clever people, when they had a disagreeable thing to do, got it over as quickly as possible, and that to live with educated friends out in the world necessitated being educated one’s self; therefore the obvious course for a person who called herself clever was to tackle the lessons at once. This brought her around, for her vanity could not stand the strain of having her cleverness possibly called in question.
We decided that the hour right after breakfast was less inconvenient than any other. If she failed to appear on time, I was among the missing when she did, and could not easily be discovered. When found, association with me was anything but the pleasant thing it might have been. This was wormwood. The next day she was on hand ahead of time.
I confess, my chief means of winning her has been to make myself so attractive to her (without appearance of effort) that any cessation of our friendship was agony to her (and naturally, painful to me also). I rarely told her she must do anything. I either asked her as politely as if she were a total stranger (no matter how rude she had been just before that particular instant), or assumed she would do it as a matter of course. If she failed me I absented myself. I hardly had to resort to this more than once for the same offense.
But to return to the hour of school. Truly it was equal to a day’s hard labor. She disputed everything, argued over the most insignificant detail such as,?if she had written “there” and I gave her “then” she wrote it under “there”, like this “hen.” When I insisted on having another “t” she persisted that one “t” would do for both words.
She honestly believed there was nothing she did not know. A surreptitious glance back into my own childhood recalled a state of mind so similar that her egotism failed to trouble me as it might another less self-important person. However, teaching the simplest rule of multiplication to a young creature who fairly snorted with indignation that any of her knowledge (which of course was nil) was being questioned, meant a long and devious route. “I know it,” she would say. “Why should I put it down?” “If you know it,” said I, “why not put it down?” Her answer invariably was “Oh, I know it, all right, but it’s too much trouble to show I know it.”
The result was, I decamped or threatened to, whereupon she laboriously set her face toward the inevitable. She soon learned to recognize that disagreeable quality which I possessed so superabundantly?inevitableness?and protestingly submitted. I met her egotism eventually, by saying that I was willing to help her in this way only on the condition that she make it pleasant for me. Then if she were disagreeable, I left her, nor would I “chum” with her until repentance was obvious, not only in actions, but in speech which entreated me to teach her the next morning. Gradually she came around, and lessons became almost enjoyable. We dined alone. If she were disagreeable?as she frequently was?(kicking the table, or throwing bread, or picking her food up with her fingers, or introducing subjects which she knew were distasteful) I left the table, instead of asking her to go, and she had that most uncomfortable, sinking sensation anyone must have when conscious of having robbed another of his daily bread. One day she began kicking the table leg vigorously. As I did not apparently notice, she put her head as nearly in my face as she could, and leered maliciously. I then took notice of her, and remarked mildly that in order for two people to live together each one had to give up anything which might be annoying to the other. Quick as a flash, she said, “Well, then you give up the joy of stopping me from kicking the table.” The uselessness of arguing while she was in this mood, coupled with the overwhelming sense of the joke being on me, kept me silent until I had finished. She continued kicking meanwhile. As I left the room I said, “Since you enjoy kicking the table, I will not deprive you of the joy of it. Please be good enough to keep on kicking for fifteen minutes.” And there she sat, pegging away, while I found a safe spot in which to give vent to my laughter. She afterward came and talked it over and agreed with me that she had been both ungenerous and silly.
Very soon after the first two weeks I taught her the “promise” ideal. The following is also a fair illustration of my method of bringing to her notice many ethical questions. One bright morning I said, ” Chum, I’m sorry not to be able to go swimming with you today, but I’ve promised to help Mrs. A make a frock?so you see, I’m helpless!”
“0 Sister!” burst from a thoroughly disappointed small being, “I’m so sorry?for I do so like your society!” “Yes, I know,” I interrupted, not giving her a chance to sug18 THE PSYCHOLOGICAL CLINIC. gest a means of escape, “and I’m glad you do, but of course, I know you and I feel just alike about a promise; that it’s about the most sacred thing there is. I suppose, too,” I went on, “you’re just like I was when I was little?if they could get me to ‘promise anything it was as good as done?but,” I said, trusting that this part would appeal to her anyway, “it was mighty hard to get me to promise.”
She jumped at the bait. “That’s just the way I am!” she said.
And it was literally so. If I could get her promise, much was accomplished; naturally I was careful not to let her promise so many things that she could not remember them. This is exceedingly important. It was not a question of whether she could keep a promise, so much as forming the mental habit of never consciously breaking one. I would never advise making a child, at this stage, conscious of breaking a promise if he seemed absolutely oblivious of having done so. Even then, if he must be reminded, I would always emphasize the fact of “forgetting,” and not the “promise-breaking” itself. I always say, “Of course you only forgot to do so and so, but forgetting a promise is almost as serious as breaking one!” If I could get her promise, I rarely needed to think twice about the matter. My original device “that it is very hard to get her to promise” usually plays a part, but in the end it only emphasizes, and gives her time to think over, what is involved in the promise she is about to make.
After I had established her confidence in my wider experience, I asked her to “promise” to obey me when I asked her to do so. I promised in turn never to ask this unless it were necessary and agreed to explain my reasons when I could, after she had done what I requested. When I didn’t she must show her trust in me by going without explanation. At first she obeyed, but sometimes she took half a day to do so. I let this go for a while, and then I asked her to put “promptly” into her code. After much deliberation, she agreed. Next I asked that “cheerfully” be added. To this she only agreed to promise “to try.” This has never been expanded, as can well be imagined.
When I wanted a thing done, I discussed it with her and then asked her to do it. If she had promised beforehand she did it without any objections, and I never waited to see the complete act. Once she said, “How will you know whether I do this or not?” (This was before the promise stage.)
“Why,” I replied, “I shall ask you, certainly you are the person who is best able to inform me.” She grinned sheepishly, INCORRIGIBILITY DUE TO MISMANAGEMENT. 19 but I knew she would tell me. Of course, I never asked, never intended to.
And yet, I was told she had no idea of honor, truth, etc. I have never known her to lie but once, and that was due to my mismanagement of the situation. Similar mistakes of adults often cause children to form untruthful habits. With this child any relapse was always due to my mistake.
Of course, she had a number of poses. One of them was telling “bluggy” stories and then waiting for horror to burst from her unthinking audience in the form of “O you dreadful little girl!” Again, I recalled many a scene of carnage from my own red past, in which I had enjoyed the same spoils. So I decided to test the “blood pose.” She began in this way, “I love blood, don’t you, Sister?”
“Yes,” said I, “I do!” Surprised, she said, “But I love lots of it, streams of it, running round!”
“Oh,” said I, determined to see it through, “that’s nothing! I tell you what you do. Go down stairs and get the longest^ sharpest knife you can find, and if you can’t get a sharp one, take one down and have it sharpened?I’ll wait for you?then come back and we’ll go down and have a regular bloody bat. We’ll kill and cut up a pig or two?oh, you needn’t worry, I’ll pay for it?” I stopped, for the amazed, white, horrified little face before me proved that I was right and that there was nothing in it but a pose. “0 Sister,” she gasped, “I couldn’t! I should die! Oh, don’t make me!”
“Well,” I said briskly, “then don’t ever talk to me of loving blood again.” And she didn’t,?the nearest approach being a surreptitious remark at table that she liked rare beef. All through, I tried to have her form her own decisions, even to deciding on her hair ribbons and such trivial questions. She had to accept my decisions instead of her own merely when her experience had been too limited to enable her to have opinions, then she voluntarily (not always willingly, of course, but because of her confidence in and liking for me) accepted my suggestions. Game-playing was an arduous undertaking, because she disputed or jeered at every turn in the game. At last one day I put down my racket, after a specially spiteful remark on her part, and said, “See here, I’m not going to play out of my class. I’m a sport! What are you? Do you know what a sport is?” “I’m not sure,” she replied.
“Well, it’s one who plays fair, and?is?a?good loser: And don’t you forget the last part, for that’s the hardest thing about it. Now, are you a sport?” “I don’t think I was born one,” she said, thoughtfully, “but I might grow to be one, couldn’t I?”
“It doesn’t make any difference,” I answered, “what you were born, you can make yourself anything you wish!” “Then I’m going to play in your class, Sister,” she ended. And by a tremendous effort she has achieved being “a good loser” in most affairs, not only in games. Her success is shown, practically, in the changed attitude of her own kind toward her. From being hated of all children, her popularity has come to be an acknowledged fact. I could not have offered her anything else that would appeal so much to the splendid stuff in her. I believe that most children could be appealed to in this way, and if they failed to have the “material” at the start, such an appeal might develop it. The one big idea I kept before her is self-control in every form. She was as anxious as I to perfect herself in that respect. For we both believed she had a big work ahead of her, and that together we were getting ready for it. I told her that every time she controlled herself in any way, she was growing strong for the time when she would need it for her work. On her control in these minor things, I based her capacity for control when the habit of masturbation might momentarily attempt to reassert itself, though of course I did not tell her that. Why could we not teach all children “control” with their big life work as a goal? If we only realized it, the identical things that appeal to us appeal to these misunderstood little folks.
I was not long in enlisting her sympathy and interest in the fact that every capable human being ought to be an economic unit. It was quite amusing to hear her scornful rejection of the term “little lady” conferred on her by an unsuspecting old gentleman. I had given her Emily Putnam’s definition of a lady?”The female of the class in power”?and had read her a good deal of the lady’s parasitic condition; consequently, no one could have insulted her more than that pleasant old man. She wants to earn her bread. In fact she does earn her “wages” out of which she supplies all her small wants.
I was told she had a frightful temper, and when she said, in her boastful way, expecting the usual hysterical horror over such a statement, “I have a dreadful temper, Sister!” I replied, “So have I, and we wouldn’t be worth a picayune if we hadn’t! But we control it, of course, don’t we?”
“Of course we do,” she replied, sweetly?her attitude absoINCORRIGIBILITY DUE TO MISMANAGEMENT. 21 lutely changed. As a result, I have never seen a trace of violent temper?only an occasional grumbling or arguing or tears, which vanished if I left her to silence with an admonitory “O, be a sport, Chum, a good loser!”
I neglected to say in the beginning, that after her first profession of friendship I told her the “life story” as I had learned to tell it from Miss Laura Garrett. She had been asking all kinds of questions, which I would not evade. I had planned to tell it to her, but not quite as soon as I found it necessary. My theory is, that a child who is intelligent enough to ask questions is intelligent enough to understand. At any rate, a clean knowledge of the subject cannot possibly be as much of a risk as a natural curiosity unwholesomely satisfied. Later on, I explained how this sex energy, wasted in indulging her habit, was meant to go into the building of strong muscles, good brains, steady nerves which would enable her, and every other child, to do the big work each had come expressly to do. Also, that her very knowledge on this subject made it possible for her to help many whom few others could understand. This conviction is very precious to her, and has given her a feeling of respect for herself instead of the shame she had always felt. It was for some reason, after all, that she was taught the habit, she feels?possibly that she may help others overcome it, when she is old enough to know how. I remember the first thing she said when the wonderful truth first flashed upon her?”Why didn’t they tell me this before? Now I see why I shouldn’t have the ‘habit,’ ” (as she always calls it). I think it made her my friend for life that day. The first four months were spent on an isolated farm, the last two being varied by visits from relatives, who stayed only several hours at a time. The visits always excited her, and threw her back into self-important ways, but on the whole she got a great deal from them. At the end of the four months, I decided to try her in school and with other children, so we boarded in a village and the little girl attended a small private school for eight months. During the last two months, we lived in the school, as I wished to multiply complications as much as possible and note results. During the year, which ended June 1, 1912, she went home five times; on four occasions I was with her part of the time. Each trip there was marked improvement. We discussed her failures and she put the resultant wisdom into practice. That is the wonderful thing about her?once shown the reason for a situation, she will handle it herself. She is now as lovable, kindly, and sweet a little girl as could be desired. Every one in the school is fond of her and thinks she is an extraordinarily “good” child. Living with her has come to mean real companionship.
Her control of herself causes me constant amazement and respect. She has far more than I can boast. I heard her, one day, tell a child who was asking what would be done to her if she did so and so, “I don’t get punished, I just do a thing because it’s the way folks do.”
That’s the idea. She is a human being, responsible, respected and self-respecting; interested in many things and looking for a chance to do a good turn and render her share of kindliness to the world, which she now regards as her friend, whereas when a hunted little rebel, with no interest outside her scowling self, she had hated, defied, and hindered that same world all she could. She is as anxious to be kind now, as she was vicious before. She came to me recently, after a conversation on Pharisees, which we had held a few days previously, and said, “Sister, I realize I still do the nice things partly to enjoy telling about them, but I hope, before long, not to mention them. Until then, may I tell you?”
“You just bet you can,” I said. This was apropos of her having taken a box of ginger cookies to school for several days hoping to meet and cheer a certain ancient man whose allowances of good things, she surmised, was small. She does this also with the money she earns.
She kept an account of herself and fined herself if she failed to make good. She left notes to this effect on my desk. I find, “Dec. 10th, 2 cents?I pouted”; “Feb. 2nd, 1 cent?I was not nice.” I explained early that there are laws in the world and that there are penalties for breaking them; keeping them is the concession one makes for living with other people. So she willingly and without further suggestion from me pays her fine for the laws which she breaks in her own small world.
It is easily seen that her defectiveness was only because her energy (of which she had an enormous supply) was misdirected and misused; also, because of her misunderstanding and mismanagement on the part of those in charge of her. Her mind is one of exceptional quickness and brilliancy, with a reasoning faculty rarely seen in children (perhaps it is so rare, because so infrequently called forth). She has a fine sense of justice and an intense desire to make good. She quickly repairs an injury she has inflicted. She is very emotional, easily influenced, still inclined to be overbearing and egotistical, but for the most part, kindly, lovable, thoughtful, earnest, loyal, animated by that intense desire to be liked which is innate in all born leaders.
Educational Devices.
Thorough medical examination to find actual condition. Absolute cleanliness (which included a cold bath in morning and hot at night, with a thorough cleansing with cold water, by the child herself, of the parts affected).
Establishing regular and healthful excretory functions. Plenty of sleep with careful watching at bed time, and just before rising, which are the danger periods. I believe the habit of rising immediately upon waking to be invaluable here. Regular hours for bed time, meals, lessons, etc. Breathing exercises before breakfast.
Relaxation period of 5 minutes (beginning with 2 minutes and gradually increasing to 5) during which a constructive thought suggested by pupil was held. Absolute freedom at time of play. Gardening. Pets collected and cared for (teaching kindness). Regular employment. Regular daily program on farm for four months. June 1, 1911, to October 1, 1911. Rising at 6:45. Bath. Carrying milk to next house, feeding pets. Breathing exercises. Breakfast at 8. Clearing table and wiping dishes. Making beds. Silence period, 5 minutes. Lessons. Swim or walk. Dinner at 1:30. Reading for an hour. Walk in woods, or drive to nearby village. Tea. Walk and talk. Bath and bed time, 8:30. During the next six months we boarded in a village outside the small private boarding school which she attended. Playing with children up to this time had been less difficult, but yet far from satisfactory.
Program for these six months (October, 1911, to April, 1912). Rising at 7. Bath and exercises. Skate or run. Breakfast at 8. Bed making. Silence. School, 9-1. Dinner at 1.
Ice skating, sledding, sliding, walking, or playing with children. She was frequently sent out to find means of amusement, as she lacked initiative in entertaining herself. This was at first a great trial, but she can now easily fill in an afternoon. Study period 5 o’clock. Tea at 7. Bed at 8. I began now to leave her occasionally to go to bed alone, but generally I sat with her and read or wrote until she was asleep. We moved into the boarding school for the last two months, and the program was more or less a variation of the one just given. I still watched her, but never let her be aware of it. My principle has been to make her feel my trust and I am sure it was better to risk a good deal rather than have her guess that she was being watched.
Of course this is only a year’s work and it remains to be seen how permanent it has been, as she is now only twelve. Much depends on the power of those in charge of her, to re-enforce the habits formed until they become absolutely stable. This particular child seems to have been richly endowed at the start with unusual qualities, but who shall say what the possibilities of any of these misunderstood and mismanaged little folks are until they have been given a chance really to express and develop themselves?
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